I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
vagina is talking i cant
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
