she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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