I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
