We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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