Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How external is "for external use only"?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
