Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
