3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
