Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
