Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
