Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
