Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
