Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
