So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Randomize
