1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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