last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
