Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
