Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
