If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
