I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
