I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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