how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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