Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize