I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
