you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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