I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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