this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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