bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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