I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
