Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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