Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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