Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
