My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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