I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize