I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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