You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
