i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
