Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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