a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
