your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
