you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She's the barista slut.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
