I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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