If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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