just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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