I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
