You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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