she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
