perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
