I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
