Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
