just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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