you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
