Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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