i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
