i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
