Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
