apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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