Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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