theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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