The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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