Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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