I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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