I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
