I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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