dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
