the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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