what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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