That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
